In my brainstorming paragraph, I had a loose idea of what I wanted. I knew I wanted to touch on my teacher’s reading, the book, and how it made me feel, and writing in a more casual sense that directly addressed those points was highly influential for my final draft.
In the draft, I tried fixing more grammatical errors and added more information about how I felt. Overall I was adding more detail.
In the final draft, I added more sensory detail and ended up polishing the end so it was more cohesive.
Going from the brainstorming stage, to the draft, and then to the final draft helped me immensely. I was able to see what worked and what didn’t and one of the biggest things that improved my essay overall was getting sleep. I wrote my entire draft the night before we needed it in class and the next day I came back and fixed so many grammatical mistakes that I missed. A refreshed pair of eyes drastically improved my performance.
BRAINSTORM pARAGRAPH
In 5th grade, my teacher Mrs. McDowel would have reading time and for 20ish minutes read to us. I distinctly remember a book called The Emerald City or a title close to that and I would always daydream the story while she was reading. I felt calm and relaxed. The carpet was rough but felt nice to sit on while she read. It smelled of pencil shavings usually since every day of the school year the pencil sharpener would be in use.
dRAFT PARAGRAPH
I sat down on the floor while everyone else was sitting around me. My teacher became to narrate our book and I looked around and every other child had their eyes affixed to the ground; seemingly inattentive, but truthfully, all of us imagined a story behind those simple words. All the books I’d known before were grammar workbooks or boring, education-based school stories. But to hear my 5th-grade teacher Mrs. McDowell narrate The City of Ember (Jeanne DuPrau, 2003) introduced me to a field of books I had not yet known existed. I realized that the current set of school-based books I knew completely omit or watered down the captivating adventures that did interest me. That beyond our bland textbooks sat an entirely undiscovered world to me.
fINAL pARAGRAPH
I sat down on the ragged floor, each individual carpet fiber seemingly prickling my skin with every movement. There I waited for a few minutes until everyone else had settled in around me. Eventually, the room softened, and the only sounds I heard were that of a book opening, pages turning, and then a voice began. Every word hung in the air, a constant lullaby that sang a story. I looked around and every other child had their eyes affixed to the ground; seemingly inattentive, but the truth was that all of us intently imagined the story. All the books I’d known before were grammar workbooks or boring, education-based school stories. But to hear my 5th-grade teacher Mrs. McDowell narrate The City of Ember (Jeanne DuPrau, 2003) introduced me to a field of books I had not yet known existed. I never realized that behind our bland textbooks and boring school-mandated readings stood an entire world of captivating stories hidden on the pages of every book in the school.
FINAL PARAGRAPH W/ SENSORY DETAIL
I sat down on the ragged floor, each individual carpet fiber seemingly prickling my skin with every movement. There I waited for a few minutes until everyone else had settled in around me. Eventually, the room softened, and the only sounds that echoed about the room were that of a book opening, pages turning, and eventually, a voice began. Every word hung in the air, a constant lullaby that sang a story. I looked around and every other child had their eyes affixed to the ground; seemingly inattentive, but truthfully, all of us imagined a story behind those simple words. All the books I’d known before were grammar workbooks or boring, education-based school stories. But to hear my 5th-grade teacher Mrs. McDowell narrate The City of Ember (Jeanne DuPrau, 2003) introduced me to a field of books I had not yet known existed. I realized that the current set of school-based books I knew completely omit or watered down the captivating adventures that did interest me. That beyond our bland textbooks sat an entirely undiscovered world to me.